Take Care of Yourself
Hello Friends,
I’m so excited to start this new blog. I have been thinking about this for quite sometime, but never pulled the trigger. Today, the trigger has been pulled. I decided to create this blog for people out there just like me. If you are dating/engaged/married to someone with a mental illness, you’ve come to the right place. If you look at the About Us page it will explain more about us and our relationship, as well as Matt’s struggle with anxiety.
Let me start by saying I see you. I see the struggle you deal with on the regular, I see the amazing things you do to support the one you love, and I see the tiredness in your eyes. Being with someone with a mental illness is something that is hard to explain in words. Watching the person you love the most struggle with everyday life is so hard. Not being able to fix it, is hard. You, my friend, are doing an awesome job!
Mental illness is something that I feel is FINALLY being talked about, can I get a hallelujah!? It’s about time, right? Finally, people are seeing that it is okay, to not be okay. So as we move forward even more when it comes to mental illness, I also want to move forward with being with someone who has a mental illness. Let me say I am NOT a doctor (I’m a teacher), everything I say here is my experience and my opinion, only! I do not know everything, I don’t even know 10% of the things, but what I do know is what it’s like to be on the other side of mental illness.
So, with all that said, my very first piece of advice for you is this:
Take care of yourself, too.
For so long I was only worrying about taking care of Matt. I felt that I needed to always put him first. I have learned over the years with him, that it’s super important to put him first. With that said, I cannot help him if I do not take care of myself. It is OKAY to say “I know this is so hard for you, but this is something I really want/need. Can we please just try, and if it gets to be too much, we can go.” There have been so many times where I did not do something I really wanted to because he wasn’t into it. That is okay! There have also been many times where I went alone (with him in the back of my mind 100% of the time I was gone) but would just check up on him through text while I was gone. There have also been many times where I got harsh and said “we are going!” That sounds harsh, but let me say, these times where I told him to put his shoes on were ALL things that I knew he really wanted to do or had been looking forward to, but his brain was tricking him. Things like concerts to his favorite band that he had been talking about for months, but when the day came he didn’t want to go. We went, he had a blast. I would never make him go somewhere that I know would not be worth it in the end.
I recently had a friend message me and say he was having some trouble navigating a new relationship with someone with anxiety. This is what I always say first. You are an amazing person for wanting to help this person and to keep this relationship going. You are amazing for understanding it’s not their fault. With all the stress and exhaustion it puts on you, you will never know how they feel. I promise you, it’s worse than what’s going on in your brain. With that said, if you cannot handle the stress and exhaustion you have to be honest with that person and yourself and say “I can’t do this.” You have to take care of yourself! I cannot stress that enough. If you’re falling apart, you’re only hurting yourself and the other person.
Once again, I don’t really know what I’m doing, I only know what has worked for us to keep this relationship going for 11 years. If you hate my advice, please, do what helps you. But know this, I see you!
We are the other side!
I’m so excited to start this new blog. I have been thinking about this for quite sometime, but never pulled the trigger. Today, the trigger has been pulled. I decided to create this blog for people out there just like me. If you are dating/engaged/married to someone with a mental illness, you’ve come to the right place. If you look at the About Us page it will explain more about us and our relationship, as well as Matt’s struggle with anxiety.
Let me start by saying I see you. I see the struggle you deal with on the regular, I see the amazing things you do to support the one you love, and I see the tiredness in your eyes. Being with someone with a mental illness is something that is hard to explain in words. Watching the person you love the most struggle with everyday life is so hard. Not being able to fix it, is hard. You, my friend, are doing an awesome job!
Mental illness is something that I feel is FINALLY being talked about, can I get a hallelujah!? It’s about time, right? Finally, people are seeing that it is okay, to not be okay. So as we move forward even more when it comes to mental illness, I also want to move forward with being with someone who has a mental illness. Let me say I am NOT a doctor (I’m a teacher), everything I say here is my experience and my opinion, only! I do not know everything, I don’t even know 10% of the things, but what I do know is what it’s like to be on the other side of mental illness.
So, with all that said, my very first piece of advice for you is this:
Take care of yourself, too.
For so long I was only worrying about taking care of Matt. I felt that I needed to always put him first. I have learned over the years with him, that it’s super important to put him first. With that said, I cannot help him if I do not take care of myself. It is OKAY to say “I know this is so hard for you, but this is something I really want/need. Can we please just try, and if it gets to be too much, we can go.” There have been so many times where I did not do something I really wanted to because he wasn’t into it. That is okay! There have also been many times where I went alone (with him in the back of my mind 100% of the time I was gone) but would just check up on him through text while I was gone. There have also been many times where I got harsh and said “we are going!” That sounds harsh, but let me say, these times where I told him to put his shoes on were ALL things that I knew he really wanted to do or had been looking forward to, but his brain was tricking him. Things like concerts to his favorite band that he had been talking about for months, but when the day came he didn’t want to go. We went, he had a blast. I would never make him go somewhere that I know would not be worth it in the end.
I recently had a friend message me and say he was having some trouble navigating a new relationship with someone with anxiety. This is what I always say first. You are an amazing person for wanting to help this person and to keep this relationship going. You are amazing for understanding it’s not their fault. With all the stress and exhaustion it puts on you, you will never know how they feel. I promise you, it’s worse than what’s going on in your brain. With that said, if you cannot handle the stress and exhaustion you have to be honest with that person and yourself and say “I can’t do this.” You have to take care of yourself! I cannot stress that enough. If you’re falling apart, you’re only hurting yourself and the other person.
Once again, I don’t really know what I’m doing, I only know what has worked for us to keep this relationship going for 11 years. If you hate my advice, please, do what helps you. But know this, I see you!
We are the other side!
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